A LETTER TO THE GOVT. OF INDIA

Dear Govt of India, 
Itne logo ko aap please Sammanit kare aisi hamari dilse prarthna hai aapko . In logo ne sachchi laganse is desh ki seva ki hai ..isliye aap unhe avashya bahot bada samman de :-

1) Ajmal aamir kasab --- "Bhaarat Ratna" for his valient effort to deal with the population problem of this country by killing more than 100 people in a single night !! He deserves a Bharat Ratna , no doubt ....

2) Afzal Guru -- "Bhaarat Putra" award for his merciless attack on Indian parliament in 2004. 

3) A.Raja -- " Padma Vibhushan" for freely donating telecom 2G spectrum to all his kith and keen ( what if it was at a cost of 176000 crores to the indian public ? its ok ,yaar... people will forget that ) Also he should be given a special award of " Best Colgate southindian smile" after getting released from jail and smiling as big as he could ( indirectly he was telling the public that you cannot punish me by any rules of the land, i m RAJA , the king of this land !!! ) 

Look what Raja has to say !!

The guy with the shorts on is the indian layman,the  policeman is the primeminister and the  thief is  A.Raja  .

Raja  UnHindustani !!

4) Suresh Kalmadi -- " Arjuna Award" for committing large scale scam during commonwealth games and bringing shame to India ... ( you know India is getting a goodname from all quarters of the world, so Kalmadi thought why not change it for a moment and he brought Shame to India, so he deserves this award for the CHANGE which he brought on to the system )

5) Kanimozhi ( in hindi you may call "kal-muhi" meaning the one with a Tainted face ) -- " Padma Shreemati" for helping A.Raja in his efforts to make his friends prosperous at the cost of Indian public ....see the immense amount of admiration and Love these two have for their near and dear ones !!!! they deserve nothing less than Padma shree or even a Bharat Ratna .....

6) Lalu prasad Yadav -- For the fodder scam in which he ate up 900 crore worth of grant given for fodder to the cattle , he should be given " Bhaarat Bheema" ( because he ate up so much fodder like Bheema of Mahabharata ) 

Last but not the least,plz give "Pavitra Shasan" award to yourself also, for being the most corrupted govt , in the history of this country till date ......!!

IPL Degrees

IPL  Degrees :-

After the results of some Board exams, the students are busy pursuing various degrees programmes and queueing for forms online as well as offline. In the heat of the summer, they are running from here and there to get admission to various medical and engineering courses but look at these IPL players, they are so relaxed and always enjoying themselves at any cost !! But don't worry friends, even they require some degrees to be followed (privately ofcourse !!) No one knows who gives these degrees to them but believe me buddy, these are some compulsory degrees for IPL players without which they are considered as Unqualified to play in the Highprofile IPL ! So lets check them out :-  

1) CA/ CS ( Cricket Advertising/ Cricket Showmanship )

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Now comeon man, what do you think is Cricket meant for ? Its for personal goals and who plays for the country ? Personal Goals ? Well, the primary goal is to reck out as much money as possible from the commercials, while you are on song.... and thisss, isn't possible mate, without learning the very essential course of Cricket showmanship and Cricket Advertising , because if you don't learn how to become a showman, how can you get a lot of advertisements under your belt ? So better get this course done, maybe with a distinction !!

2) B.Sc / B.com( Bookie Science/ Bookie Communications ) 

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After finishing the first course, you need to go through these two very essential courses. The first one is Bookie Science . It teaches you about the different softwares used by Bookies worldover inside computers and mobiles, for propagating their speculative activities ( at any cost !!). If you don't know about this, you aren't worth even a penny. 

However the second one is far too important -- Bookie Communications ...Well, communicating with the Bookie is a basic for earning good money from the IPL, and hence you need to know some traits of communicating with the Bookie like -- keep watching him after every delivery is bowled, understand and analyse all his gestures ( like when to throw away your wicket ,how to increase the asking rate by wasting deliveries which could have been blasted for sixers and fours, when to miss a simple catch, when to misfield and then act as if it was natural, when to bowl loose deliveries especially at the brink of the innings, when to bowl No-balls and give away Free-hits in donation ,when to take singles inspite of easy chances to get two runs, how to be Runout immediately after the break, and pretend as if you lost concentration due to the bloody break, etc !!) Now if you follow these gestures exactly then you are a sssssmart communicator and you win a lot of money as a reward ( ofcourse , under the table !!! ) So, do not miss to get your B.com buddy, at any cost ....!

3) LLB/ LLM/ IMF ( Lord of Leg-byes/ Learn to lose Matches(!)/ International Match Fixing ) 

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Oh boy, now these are some of the short-term compulsory courses. The first one is Lord of Legbyes . Its specially for the wicketkeepers. Things like - how to give away easy legbyes ( by not stopping balls which can be stopped by even schoolboys ), how to give away easy bye-runs by stupid fumblings ,etc are taught in this course. The second one is a very important short-term course - Learn to Lose Matches !! It teaches you in a short and sweet manner how to Lose Matches which were otherwise been easily won ,how to squander an easy chance, how to look foolish in public ....., etc. You need to master these Arts , boy, if you want to earn a lot from the IPL....!! The third course teaches you about International Match Fixing -- as the name suggests, it shows you how different matches are fixed at different levels, what amount of money is involved and how to make the best out of the IPL to go ahead onto the international level as a Fixed Player with Confidence !! 

Now do you know who runs all these long and short-term courses ? Oh man, comeon !! Its the BCCI !!! Now here it doesn't mean "Board of Control for Cricket in India". It means "Besharm Crorepati Cricketers of India" !!!